And Don't You Know That it Hurts Me So...

...To say goodbye to you...

Okay, so I'm not entirely saying goodbye to my cat, Jasper. He just went to my mom and dad's farm to be an outside cat. But it still hurts...
Let me start a little further back. I had the baby, for those of you that didn't know. Jake was born on the 24th of June. Mike and I (and the whole rest of our families) are so excited! Now, as you people know, Mike and I have two dogs and two cats. There are those out there that completely FREAK out at this information, not so much the dogs, but the cats. They'll "smell the milk on the baby," "the hair will choke the baby," they will "scratch the baby to pieces," and numerous other concerns and old wives' tales. Okay, as far as the scratching...I keep my cats' nails clipped anyway because I personally don't like being stabbed to death when they're in my lap. The hair choking the baby? Yes, we don't vacuum quite as often as we should, but I assure you, there are no hairballs anywhere around the baby. And smelling the milk on the baby...that's just a myth. Okay, maybe if they get right up on the baby they'll smell it, but people make it sound as though as soon as the baby eats, no matter where the cats are in the house, they will be in the crib in seconds. Cats and babies CAN coexist, despite what people (especially older women) tell you.
That all being said...we're getting rid of the cats. I know, I know: why go on this soap box spiel about babies and cats coexisting if you're not giving it a chance? Well, I did give it a chance, and unfortunately, the cats lost. We had been thinking about giving Cali up for a little while anyway, because we can't seem to break her of getting on the counters and getting food. Jasper I had broken of that at my apartment in college because I was able to see him. I can't catch Cali. She's really sweet and loving, so if anyone is willing, she's free to a good home. As for Jasper...Jasper's my baby. He was my first pet...MY first pet, not a family pet. He has such a personality on him. He'd greet me at the door when I came home, he'd paw at me to be picked up, he'd give me kisses, he'd snuggle up to me under the covers in the winter and sleep in the crook of my arm and purr. I had put my foot down to my husband that I was not giving him up (Mike's not a cat person and he's been trying to convince me to get rid of them for almost a year now). I didn't want to give Cali up, but I finally conceded. But Jasper was going to stay with me.
What changed was when he decided to jump in the crib to investigate what this new creature is that mommy brought home on the second night Jake was here. It scared me enough to realize that, even if Jasper is being innocent and just wanted to snuggle up to this new being, Jasper is twice the size of Jake and could suffocate him.
So today I made my tearful goodbye. Okay, okay...so it's not goodbye. Mom and dad agreed to take him on the condition he is strictly an outside cat (the family cat died and so dad didn't want to have to deal with anymore litter...that, and even though Jasper's neutered, he still smells like he's intact). He knew something was up because he saw the carrier in the hallway. I took him to get updated on his shots and then Mike and I turned him loose at mom and dad's. He explored a little while I was there (mainly of the back porch and deck where his food will be), and then set up camp by the back door, crying to be let back in (Which is funny, if you think about it...the whole time I lived at home he kept trying to escape out the back door, even slipping out a couple times and going under the house. Now I finally let him out and all he wants is to come back in!)
I know it's for the best, and at least he's still with people he knows, even if he is outside. But I just worry about him...the guy that hays the fields hasn't done that yet, so I'm freaked Jasper'll be in the long grass when he starts. There's wild animals and stray dogs and occasional stray cats that come and go through the property, so I'm worried he'll tangle with them. Maybe he'll run away. I know he's just a cat, but he's been my little buddy for six years now, and all that stuff mentioned above that he would do I won't have anymore.

I Remember Daddy's Hands

There are so many memories and moments that I remember with my dad. Too many to put down here or else you guys would be reading a Hawthorne novel. But I'd like to share with you a man that means so much in my life...
My entire family is incredibly close, which this day and age is a rare commodity. Even with all of my brothers starting their own families and moving to different states, or even just different cities in one state, we all manage to keep in touch with both each other and our parents. Mom mainly is the "ambassador" for our parents, dad just kinda staying in the background. Though, we always know he's there...literally, we ALWAYS know he's there, the man is so loud! My brothers told me that they were at an away game for either soccer or football (I think football, because I think that was the only sport both Jimmy and Eric were on the same team) and without even needing to turn around, one leaned over to the other and mumbled, "Dad's here," having heard him above all the other voices in the crowd. When we call the house, mom doesn't even need to put him on the phone...we just have conversations with him through her because we can hear him perfectly through the receiver. Even if we aren't talking to him, he's always singing or going on about something nonsensical (yes, that's my word).
Growing up was slightly different, as far as I'm concerned. He would always go to my brothers' sports and such, but I wasn't in sports, so I didn't have the number one fan they did. Not to say he wasn't rooting for me in everything I did. Dad worked a lot, and there were literally times that I didn't see him, either because he was working an odd schedule or he would get home from work and have to go practically straight to bed because he had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn.
I remember one memory, burning bright in the back of my mind, though. It was winter, I'm not sure how old I was, but pretty young. I hadn't seen him very much it seemed to me because of his work schedule. But he had gone out hunting one night and it was right after we had had a really good snow. My brothers, mom, and I were all in the living room watching TV when we heard dad's boots stomping in the back porch, announcing his arrival. Normally, after coming in from hunting, he'd unload at the back door, go to his room and get out of his hunting clothes, then usually lie down or maybe come to the living room to watch TV, depending on the day and how late it was. Well, this time, after getting the snow off his boots, he appeared at the living room door and said he wanted to show us something. My brothers didn't really want to go out in the cold at night, so I was the only one that went. I hurried to dress warmly, then ran downstairs and dad and I headed back out into the night. The snow had a crust on it that crunched under our boots. It was dark out, but there was a full moon (or at least a really bright one) out that night, so we didn't even use a flashlight. We didn't talk. Dad led me down the path that went to, at the time, a cornfield down by the river. We came out of the woods into the open field and I took in the sight...the field was completely untouched, no footprints, no animals, nothing. But because the snow had the crust and the moon was so bright, it was a field of diamonds! It was absolutely breathtaking. Every turn of the head and shift of the eye had millions of little sparkles shining everywhere! We stood there for a little bit, then decided it was getting too late and too cold so we headed back. I remember telling my dad on the way back, "I'm glad my brothers didn't come, that it was just you and me. We haven't done a lot of stuff together lately."
Other things about dad...
-I remember him taking us fishing at the trout pond near Graves' Mountain Lodge.
-I always help him butcher deer (when he gets one). I used to dance with them...yeah, kinda morbid, I know.
-He taught me how to drive. Mom helped, too, but dad gave me the tricks for dangerous conditions.
-Occasionally he'd read to me at night if I asked him. There was a big book of bedtime stories for every night of the year. I think originally it was my oldest brothers, but we were all read to from it. On the cover was a picture of a scarecrow leaning against a tree, reading to little woodland creatures and fireflies. He'd point to each image, asking what the animal was. He'd get to the back of the book (the picture wrapped around) where there were three fireflies and the other side of the tree. He'd point to each one and we'd say, "Lightbug. Lightbug. Lightbug. Tree." Then it was bedtime.
-He taught me how to shoot his .22 rifle. I'm pretty good. I was better than him at one point!
-Alan Sherman, Dr. Demento, Ray Stevens...enough said...
-We grew up not knowing the real words to songs, because dad always made up his own!
Oh, there are so many things I could put on here, but I've gotten a bit long-winded as it is. Long story short...Dad is a major part of who I am today. There were tough times, sure...like when I had JUST finished cleaning the entire living room and literally just sat down when dad walked in and thought I was watching TV and grounded me from TV for a week and I was so mad! Or when Chris was in charge while mom and dad were gone and Eric and I didn't listen to him, so dad woke us up when he got home and heard the news and punished us right there and then. But there were more good times to outweigh them. And it all just taught me the love he had for my brothers and me. Happy Father's Day, daddy!

And They Call That Real

How do people get their own "reality" shows? From the Kardashians to Playboy Bunnies to a crazy woman who had twins then sextuplets, it's gotten to be absolutely ridiculous! What exactly started the "reality TV" trend, anyway? I think it was the movie "The Truman Show" with Jim Carrey (I'm not sure if there was anything before that or not). Did people just wake up one morning and say, "I'd like to film every little thing I do throughout the day and then let the world watch my humiliation?" And it's so easy to get sucked into the shows, too. You have the people that watch "American Idol" RELIGIOUSLY, letting the world know through Facebook or the like whom they are throwing their votes in for. There's "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette," where the women of the world sniff and sigh over the supposed relationships that are blossoming on the screen. My husband watches a show called "Tough Enough," which shows individuals training for WWE-style wrestling. We get into arguments about the so-called reality of both the training and WWE. He says it's real (the WWE, that is), even though he's watching with his own eyes people being trained STUNTS! Today we were watching a marathon of Sinbad's new show (remember him?). Don't get me wrong, he's a funny guy, but the whole thing is so scripted it's not even funny.
And that's the trouble with "reality" shows...there's no REALITY to them! Some of them, like "Operation Repo," even state that the episodes are BASED on what actually happened. Which means the show could have been scripted and doctored to be way more dramatic than the actual scenario. I think the worst one is all the "Desperate Housewives of..." shows. Sadly, I have watched a few episodes of some of them. Grown women are acting that way? And they're supposed to be "upper class" and "sophisticated," too. It's just cat fight after cat fight. They snub their noses at us heathens, and yet they act like children. It's embarrassing.
Don't get me wrong...I still watch these shows for entertainment. But I just want to know how I can get my own show and make lots of money for making a fool of myself, my children, and/or my family and friends. Apparently it's a decent living otherwise people wouldn't be doing it, right?

Memory

My oldest brother and his wife have an e-mail account set up for their soon-to-be three-year-old daughter. They send e-mails to her for her to read when she grows up about funny things she's done, memories they've shared, and such. Occasionally they forward the e-mails to the rest of the family for us to read as it also helps catch us up on everything she's doing and learning since they're so far away and we can't see her as often. Chris just the other day sent an e-mail to her telling Emily of Grandma Moore (her great-grandmother) and remembering her now that she has passed away last Sunday. Obviously, the e-mail was from Chris' point of view and it tells of memories he has of her from growing up. It made me start thinking of my memories of her...
I remember she had a fridge in the basement that was stocked with sodas and juice. Almost immediately after arriving at her house and hugging hello (she made sure to hug EVERYONE hello and good-bye), my brothers and I would run down the steps to grab a drink. Normally we'd stay down there, playing pool on the enormous pool table, board games (though a bunch of the games didn't have all the pieces, like Mouse Trap...but we tried to set it up anyway!), or later down the road, ping-pong. Being the competitive family that we are, there was a lot of smack talk going on and gloating and such.
I remember getting pizza from Regina's, I think just about the best pizza ever. I don't remember many holidays, just a few, but there was always laughter and joking and everything was very loud! Grandma would always have us go wash our hands before we ate, and she always had Caress soap in the dish (which is the reason why I use it in my own home...it always reminds me of her and her house). She made THE BEST apple pie (sorry, Mom, but I don't think anyone could compete with it) and I'd always try to get more than one piece. After dinner, we'd clear the table and a pack of cards was brought out. It was from Grandma that I learned War, Rummy, and 10/Oh Shucks/Oh Hell/Trumps (the last one Grandpa Moore had taught everyone, but I learned it AT Grandma's).
My grandparents, brothers, aunt and uncle, and cousins (and occasionally mom and dad) would go down to Lake Kerr, where we rented two cabins beside each other right on the lake. The kids would get the lofts and the adults would get the two bedrooms. I think the last year we went the kids got one cabin and the adults got the other. One year there was a huge spider that decided to build its web completely across one of the doors and we just left it, amazed at the web she made, the detail and the sheer size of it! We'd all wake up, eat cereal, then head down to the lake...sometimes swimming in front of the cabins, sometimes going to another small beach, usually within walking distance, though Aunt Karla would sometimes drive herself, Grandma, and the younger of us that didn't want to walk as far. My cousins and I would go to a little store to get snacks and bait and such. I thought it was so cool because it floated on the water (which was really handy when the lake flooded one year). My cousins and I went to the loading dock one time and I slipped, slicing my big toe open. They helped me back and Grandma went to the store, bringing back bandages and a foam thing to put on my toe. I thought it was weird, so it didn't stay on long.
There was a neighbor behind Grandma that had a big pool with a slide who would let us come over and swim in the summer. One time the jet on the slide wasn't on and I had no back to my bathing suit, so when I went down I burned myself really bad. Grandma taught me how to cup my hands, keeping my fingers together, so I could "push" the water out of the way and swim better. She had apple trees and a grape arbor (which I thought was cool because it was like a little hideaway). She had an ENORMOUS tree in the backyard that we used to climb (the tree is actually listed in a book on the largest trees documented in the US(?), my brother found out). We played soccer and football in the backyard.
Other things I remember:
Grandma's the reason I finally got my ears pierced. Mom didn't let me, and then Grandma had thought they already were and bought me a jewelry set for Christmas one year that had pierced earrings in it.
Her coffee table was a huge slab of a tree trunk, which I thought (and still do) was the coolest thing. There were two stools I would sit on and either eat there or do puzzles or some other activities.
She always had candy, which I'd get when I was there. They were like Tootsie rolls, but flavors like vanilla, butterscotch, and butter rum (my favorite one!).
Grandma had the oddest collection of furniture and decor (including a huge set of carved wooden spoon, fork, and something else that hung on the basement wall, as well as an African-looking drum she used as a side table) that I think she and Grandpa Miller got when he was in the military.
I remember hunting Easter eggs in her front yard a couple years.
She had the oddest (and coolest) sayings, like, "Bwess 'em wittle teensie!" when you had a boo-boo.
Dad always called her "Rady" (I always wondered why he called his mother this, and he explained that he called her Ol' Rady (old lady) and she called him something back which I can't remember).
Grandma used to always call me Tada. I had always accepted it as an endearment, then one year I asked Aunt Karla why she called me that (I was afraid to ask Grandma herself because I was young and for some reason thought it'd hurt her feelings if I questioned her). Apparently, when I was born, my brother Eric couldn't say "Samantha" and all that came out sounded like Tada, so it always stuck with Grandma.
But the most important thing I remember about Grandma and Grandma's house was the love and laughter that was always shared there, starting with the big bear hugs and kisses on the cheek upon arrival and ending with the reluctant waves as our car pulled away.

I love you, Grandma.

On a Roll

Today I was a busy bee. I had a list of things I wanted to bake, and though I didn't get through them all, I did manage to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a batch of mom's dinner rolls. One reason for doing this is that, when Mike and I were first living together/married (I know, it makes it seem like we've been together for years!), we bought everything. We had a sweet tooth? We would buy Little Debbie cakes or packs of cookies or cookie mixes or containers of icing (yeah, we ate icing just out of the container). If we needed something to go with dinner, we would get tubes of Pillsbury biscuits. Well, we've found that we don't have the money for four dollars for a can of squeezy icing or three dollars for a pack of cookie mix. So, hopefully by baking my own stuff from scratch, we can cut back on our grocery money. Another reason for baking (aside that it's fun!), is it makes me remember what it was like baking with my mom. I remember when I was little, I would pull up the little wooden stool to the counter and watch while mom put in the ingredients, occasionally letting me help by putting in a cup of flour or a teaspoon of vanilla or, when I was a little older, cracking in an egg (that was my favorite part!). I'd then watch her put the spoonfuls of batter onto the cookie sheet (I don't ever remember her letting me do this...maybe I was too messy, I don't know). Once the cookies were in the oven, I'd help clean up...aka lick the batter off the beater and/or spatula! Duh, it's the best part of baking! I'd then go watch TV until the cookies were done, coming back to taste them and make sure they were up to par (which they always were!). Making the rolls today made me think about holidays, which is for the most part usually when this particular recipe was brought out. I remember after the dough rose, mom would ask if I wanted to punch down the dough (maybe not with this recipe, but with just about any bread she baked), which of course I wanted to! As I rolled out the dough, I saw the air bubbles in it and heard the little squeaks they emitted as I rolled them out, and I remember mom telling me to quiet down so I could hear them. I smiled a little as they popped, remembering how I'd giggle when they popped under her rolling pin (hey, I was a kid and easily amused...well, I guess not much has changed!). When I finally put them in the oven to bake, the warm aroma almost immediately began wafting from the oven to fill my house, and it took me back to me being upstairs in my room and knowing mom was making bread without actually having known what recipe she was whipping up in her mixer downstairs. While I was baking today, not only did I reminisce about the past, but I thought about the future, hoping that I will have as much fun baking with my son (and other children) as I had (and occasionally still do) with my own mom.

Extreme

Mike and I just watched an episode of "Extreme Couponing" on TLC. It's a relatively new show, but have you people seen it?! It's absolutely nuts what these people do! One woman had to have 18 separate check-outs in order for her couponing to work out properly! In the end, she had a total bill of $680 but only had to spend $6.46! Another woman had a bill of over $1,900 but had about 96% of it taken off due to couponing! (And I'm using a lot of exclamation points, but that's how ridiculous this is!) First of all, I want to know where the heck they're getting these coupons. I clip coupons occasionally when I think about it, and even went online to RedPlum.com and SmartSource.com, but they're all the same coupons, for the same products. Also, on the show they're double- and triple-couponing, which all the coupons I'm finding say on them "only one coupon allowed per person per transaction." I don't get it! These people are pros at it, I realize. They know where to get the coupons, some of them even call up the store to get a list of everything on sale, and they know roughly when things go on sale (for example, seasonal items...in January, everyone's health-conscious so oatmeals and the like go on sale). I don't know...I just have to say that it's kinda ridiculous. (Especially because these people stockpile products throughout their home, like the apocalypse is coming or something!)

These Dreams go on When I Close My Eyes...

Every second of the night, I live another life!
This is so true. I've always had pretty...elaborate, we'll say...dreams. I still remember dreams from when I was little, like when a vampire was attacking me in the living room while my brothers were all around me.
Well, I guess because I'm pregnant, the hormones or something are making them even crazier, it seems. When I first got pregnant, I had a dream that Obama's wife was very pregnant and going into labor and I had to help deliver the baby because I was the only one around.
Two nights ago, I had multiple dreams. The first one, I was Harry Potter, only not in a castle...my friends and I were in some sort of boarding house. We found a secret door that led to a basement library that was haunted. The ghost kept leaving us clues, but the woman in charge of us kept finding us and interrupting our investigation. We finally found out the ghost wanted us to "Send her a letter." We didn't know who "her" was and I woke up before we could find out. That same night, I had another dream that my brother Eric challenged my brother Chris to...well, a challenge. You know those little floating rings that you see little kids wearing around their middle in backyard swimming pools? Well, the "challenge" was to throw a floating ring out into the ocean as far as they could (tied to a rope), then swim out to it and stay on it the longest. Yep, that was it. Very challenging, ya think? Well, it had to be called off because huge waves started rolling in and the crowd that had accumulated to watch the event all had to hurry to get to safety. So the next day, they tried again in a different location. At this location, there was a HUGE dune right before you get to the beach. The crowd scaled the dune to get to the beach, only to have a stories-high wave start to roll in. We all managed to get back on top of the dune safely. I heard a woman next to me ask her friend, "Is that a human skull?" I look over to them and see down in the sand, sure enough, there's a human skull semi-buried. I look all over the beach below and see human skulls everywhere...I guess they got trapped when a wave came in. Then, I noticed one below that had piercings all over (I'm not sure why the skull itself would have piercings). I pointed it out to my brother Steve. I then switch to his point of view in the dream and he's/I'm down there pulling out all the rings that look like they have diamonds in them. Then I woke up.
One final one from last night...My brother Jimmy and I were living together in an apartment. I was on my way home one night and a man asked me if I wanted to buy something. I said I had to get home, so he then pulls out a knife (a kitchen knife, of all things...not even a switch blade or anything!) I guess to mug me, but he fumbles and drops the knife. So I feel a burst of confidence and start pushing him, saying things like, "Yeah, pick on me, why don't you?" Then Jimmy comes out of the apartment and whips out a handgun and puts it on the guy. The man runs away and alls well the rest of the night. The next night, the same thing happens. I'm on my way home and the same guy comes up, with a friend this time. They start closing in on me when Jimmy comes out of the apartment and shoots them in order to save me. Scared, we hurry to get all of our things packed so we can get away before the cops come, even though it was self-defense. Well, the cops come, so we're hiding in the oddest places. And then I woke up.
I've been having dreams of old classmates that I don't talk to anymore, or very rarely. I dreamed briefly of my late grandmother last night (that was a nice one...kind of on the funny side). Pretty much any scenario, I've been dreaming it! Some are funny. Some are just odd.