Every Day is a Winding Road

Tonight for story time, Jake picked out one from his "Veggietales Bible Storybook," which is a collection of Veggietale versions of Bible stories followed by the actual Bible verses. (Side note: He's been picking from this book a lot lately...proud mama!)
So tonight he picked "Josh and the Big Wall," which comes from Joshua 5:13-6:27. This is the story of Jericho.
In the VeggieTales version, God tells Joshua to march around the city, which the other Israelites thought sounded silly and Jimmy and Jerry Gourd planned instead to use the Walminator 3000 to knock the walls down. Ever-wise young Junior Asparagus steps in and says, "Things always work out better when we do things God's way instead of our way!" Later, after the Israelites have succeeded and the walls came down, Joshua explains, "Sometimes God asks us to do things that don't make sense to us. But when we remember that God loves us and wants what's best for us, we can be sure that his way is the best way."
This hit me tonight...hard. I'm sure many of you feel this way, but for me, I've planned all I could for how I wanted my life to turn out. Some things happened, maybe not HOW I wanted them to happen, but they happened. Others, not so much. It may be frustrating at the time, but then I've come to realize His way truly is the best way. It's almost at times like God wants us to take the scenic route when all we want to do is just get to the destination and rest. Don't fight it. Just learn, grow, and take in the scenery.

*Another side note that I just realized while typing this is the fact that in the past few days, the verse Joshua 1:9 has been popping up everywhere: license plates, insprational quotes on Facebook and Pinterest, etc.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning that September Day?

I decided to tell Jake about today. I know you're probably wondering, "Why would you tell your FOUR-year-old about what happened?!" I think I got caught up in a teaching moment, plus we were going over today's date, and he had just watched me scroll through my Facebook feed and saw all the picture posts and a short video about the building of the memorial tower that's been happening over the past few years.
So we're sitting at the kitchen table where we do homeschooling and I told him that today is Friday, September 11. I told him that it's also known as Patriot Day or Remembrance Day. Then I went on to tell him the history.

Me: A long time ago--fourteen years--something really bad happened.
Jake: What happened?
Me: Some really bad men took over some planes and hurt (*hesitation*) and killed a lot of people. Do you remember seeing the pictures on the computer that mommy was looking at? And the video of the construction job with the cranes building something.
Jake: Yeah.
Me: Well, the pictures had two towers, known as the Twin Towers, because they looked the same. The bad men steered the planes into those towers. And those towers fell. And because of it a lot of people lost ones they loved--mommies and daddies and friends and relatives.

The entire time Jake's face was very somber, and I could tell he was trying to make it make sense to him. He looked almost about to cry when he asked me the question.

"But why did they do that, mommy? Why?"

All I could come up with to make it simplistic enough for him was, "Because they were very bad men."

I didn't go into any more detail than that, and yes, I left out the Pentagon and the Pennsylvania flight because after that question and seeing his expression I was afraid either I'd lose it or I scare him too much. Again, I don't know what possessed me to tell my young son those things. A part of me was thinking to show him good and evil, and cause and effect. A part of me was just trying to throw some history into our homeschooling.
Each year I see people remembering that day, whether on my Facebook feed or on the news. I remember that day. I was in French class in high school. Mrs. Blankenbaker had given us some work and then left the room. She came back in with a TV, and we all got excited as students do, thinking we were going to get to watch a movie or something and wouldn't have to do much work. The teacher said nothing to us as she closed the door and went about setting up the TV. She turned it on, but didn't put in a movie. Instead, she switched it to the news. An image of the Twin Towers, one smoking, came on the screen. I think she may have explained what was going on, but I don't really remember as I listened to the news anchor describing the scene. We all forgot about our work and moved closer, I sat on the floor with some of my friends. Then the second plane hit the second tower. There was a collective gasp through our small class. We heard some hurried footsteps out in the hallway, someone going to/coming from the bathroom or a teacher or principal spreading the news, I don't know. My eyes were glued to the screen. Time went by, I'm not sure how long it was, but the second I turned my eyes away from the screen, my friend next to me gasped so loud that I whipped my head back--I felt my stomach lurch as I watched the first tower begin to crumble. Soon after that (Or was it a while? Time was doing its own thing.), I saw it start to happen and yelled out, "There goes the second one!" I heard some more noises from the hall: hurried footsteps, some crying. The news was also talking about the Pentagon having been hit as well. I remember the teacher saying something about calling family members, and all I could think of was my dad, as I knew he was working at the time as an electrician in northern Virginia and I had thought near or in Washington, DC (I later found out he wasn't anywhere near the Pentagon, though he was able to see the smoke from his job site), and my oldest brother, who at the time worked on an upper floor in a high-rise building in Philadelphia. Even though it wasn't anywhere near the attacks, my over-reacting mind had this thought that the entire nation was under attack, and therefore he was in danger as well. That, and I'd heard about the plane in Pennsylvania, but I didn't know where it was.
The rest of that day was a blur, again because all I could think about was my dad and my brother. People spoke in hushed, excited voices. Some students wanted to leave. It was a terrible, horrible day. And we as a nation will never forget it.

I Have Been Blessed

We have this devotional book that Mike got from the chaplain for Christmas when he worked at the jail. I'm not NEARLY as good as I should be about reading it daily, but I'll try to pick it up when I can. Today was one of the days.

As I was flipping through to get to today's devotional, the pages got stuck together on August 3rd. Curious, I decided to read it. This is what it says:

"You shall serve the Lord your God, and I will bless your bread and your water..." --Exodus 23:25

  "Four generations of the family are gathered at a beach rental house for a summer vacation. Not everyone is here at once. Some are coming for the day; some arrive for a few days and then have to go back to work.

  We never know exactly how many are going to be here for dinner. Getting a head count can be difficult. Carol or Mom or my sister or I make calls before going to the market: 'Are you coming tonight?'

  Beach time proves elusive for many, but everybody tries to make dinner. My niece has dished up Rice Krispie Treats topped with chocolate for dessert; my brother-in-law brings tomatoes he's grown in his garden; my sister-in-law has made a hummus dip. We come in from the sand, take a shower, change clothes, and gather as the sun slips into the ocean. The conversation bounces from subject to subject: what the kids are doing in school, the new dog, how work is going, baseball scores. Someone's making a salad, burgers are on the grill, zucchini is almost finished.

  Dinner is on the counter and we serve ourselves, complimenting the chefs. There are so many of us tonight that we can't all fit at the table. How did our family grow so large? Everybody's ready and the call goes out, 'Who says grace tonight?' Mike volunteers, and in a voice so loud it can be heard down the beach, he begins, 'Dear God...' We grab hands.

  I feel my eighty-something-year-old mom's grip in one hand and my teenage niece's in the other, the words of Mike's prayer ringing in my ears. Should we be surprised that Jesus first offered the gift of Himself to His disciples at a meal? In a beach rental, the generations linked, we give thanks for all we've been given. Soon we will leave this place, return to our homes. But for now we hold on to what is important: each other. 'Amen,' we say. 'Amen.'

  Lord, thank You for large families where generations can join hands and pray. Bless this food to our use and us to Your service. Amen. --Rick Hamlin"

All I could think of when I read this was our large family. The Virginia branches of my family got together today for an impromptu cookout at my parents'. Some pop in for a bit, others stay later. It's a little crazy when all, or even most, of my family gets together. Good crazy. I wouldn't trade my family for anything, and I am incredibly blessed to have been born into such a one as mine. You can't help but feel the love radiating from the house.

Happy Birthday to You!

To our little monkey man,
It's that time of year. I go back and have to read previous posts I've written, just to see how far you've come and what milestones you've hit. You're growing into quite the young man. So much has happened this past year (unfortunately not all of it good). You had to go into the hospital for a little while a few months ago because you were really sick with pneumonia. Mommy and daddy were so worried. Mommy stayed with you the whole time, though, only leaving your side once when she had to go to the doctor herself. Papaw snuck in some of Mema's cookies for you, which made you feel a little better. As your mother, I forbid you to get sick like that again, do you understand?
Another big thing that happened this year is you got a baby sister, Evie! You are such an AWESOME big brother to her and a big help to mommy and daddy. You like to sing to her, kiss her, give her her pacifier, and the other day I heard you telling her the sounds different animals make. You even "read" to her occasionally.
You tell mommy and daddy all the time that you're a big boy now. You insist that you can do different things, or that you shouldn't have to do things, because you're a big boy, and big boys do/don't do that stuff. You're still having a little setback with potty training, as you will still poo in your pull-up, usually overnight. During the day you'll use the potty no problem, and have even for the most part stopped completely stripping down just to use the bathroom. You'll just pull your pants down and then back up when finished (thankfully!).
Around the house you're a big help. We haven't set up specific chores for you yet, but you'll help mommy with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, bringing in the groceries and putting them away, and helping mommy clean up after she grooms. It takes quite a bit of coaxing to get you to clean your toys downstairs, but you're pretty good about cleaning your room and making your bed. One thing that mommy loves is how you'll randomly wrap your arms around mommy and kiss her cheek if you can and say sweetly, "I love you, mommy!" You don't do it as much to daddy, but you will tell him you love him on occasion.
You still love learning like I mentioned last year (yay!). You have a bag of learning tools, mainly from Mema, as well as flash cards of colors, shapes, and numbers that you love to get out and look at. You are so smart, too. Mema has a fuzzy die that you play with when we're over there and you don't have to physically count the numbers on each side. You just take one glance and declare what it is. You know all your numbers up to 20 (though you do tend to leave out fourteen for some reason), shapes, colors (and even are starting to learn what color combinations make what color), and letters. You're trying to learn how to tell time, which really has mommy flabbergasted. You ask mommy and daddy all the time what time it is. I think you're starting to catch on a little bit to reading digital time. You have a wooden analog clock that you got from Miss Ashley from church that you pull out and study/play with occasionally. We're always amazed as well how you pick up words, and even use them correctly (Ex: You told me not long ago that you evolved from a cat to a dog in a past life.)
That being said, kid, you say some of the craziest things! I've taken to sharing our conversations on Facebook for everyone to see. The things you come up with in your little mind are so off the wall, I don't know how you come up with them (like the past life conversation).
I did an interview with you a few days ago and this is what I came up with:

-What’s your favorite color? Yellow and just red and just orange. Wait. Blue, green, and pink, and orange. Because Team Umizoomi, because Bot is green, and Millie’s dress is pink, and Geo is blue, and Umi car is orange. So I only like yellow, green, and orange.

-What’s your favorite toy? Green lawnmower

-What’s your favorite fruit? Oranges

-What’s your favorite TV show? Team Umizoomi and Paw Patrol

-What’s your favorite thing for lunch? Jelly sandwiches

-What’s your favorite outfit? Dinosaur shirt

-What’s your favorite snack? Popcorn

-What’s your favorite animal? Lizards and a pig

-What’s your favorite song? ABC

-What’s your favorite book? Thomas book

-Who’s your best friend? Big Jacob

-What’s your favorite cereal? Cheerios

-What do you like to do outside? Water table

-What’s your favorite drink? Juice

-What’s your favorite holiday? The one with candy and Batman (Halloween)

-Who sleeps with you at night? Ruff and blanket

-What do you like to eat for breakfast? I LOVE pancakes!

-What do you want to be when you grow up? A big boy.

I think that's about it for this year, monkey. Next year we'll have to get you signed up to go to kindergarten! Mommy doesn't know what she's going to do then. You're excited at the prospect of starting school, and even tell me all the time that you want to go to school. Hopefully you'll still feel this way when you actually do start.
Mommy and daddy love you so much, buddy. Happy birthday!

Every Move You Make...I'll Be Watching You

All right! I have a small rant to release here. I may upset some people, I don't know.
I just saw an article (a slightly sarcastic one) that reported allegedly the arresting police officers of the Charleston, SC shooter stopped at a Burger King and bought the shooter some food. That's not what upsets me (well, it does in part, but I'll get to that in a moment). What upsets me is how outraged people are about it. The police in this country just can't win! If they don't listen to the suspect, they get slammed for not listening and possibly preventing a tragedy later. When they do listen, they get ripped to shreds because they helped a horrible person. What the heck, people!
Okay, so I realize part of the outrage has a racial basis. The suspects that weren't acknowledged were black and the one that was is white. Also, the crimes were quite a bit different in severity. And that may be the main background for this outcry of "injustice." If it is, then, yes, I wholeheartedly agree that it's not fair.
We need to lay off the police and direct our disdain to where it needs to be, which is towards the actual criminals. The police are doing their jobs. Yes, as with just about every aspect of life, you have the bad with the good. There are rotten apples in with the shiny, crisp ones. But we can't blame the good ones and judge them on what the bad ones are doing. People complain about police profiling people. What do you think happens to them? The police are used as boogeymen to keep children in line. They're used as threats.
They put their lives on the line EVERY...SINGLE...DAY. They leave their families, their wives, their children every morning, sometimes not even knowing if they'll be returning that evening. We've seen the news. We've seen the videos of traffic stops gone bad. The police take risks for others that I'm pretty sure most of us wouldn't even DARE to attempt. They're doing their jobs, and if you don't cooperate and hassle them, then you make those situations much harder than it has to be, both for you and for them. Cut them some slack. They make mistakes. They're only human.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight

Is it worth it?

That was the sentiment of the sermon this morning. With everything that we've gone through and are still going through, I've been thinking (and praying) a lot. The thinking part is not always good, as I tend to OVER think, or just scenarios run rampant through my mind that don't always have the greatest outcome.
When Jody said those four little words in front of all of us this morning, I immediately perked up. Quite a few times lately a voice in my head uttered those exact words. "Is it worth it? Is it worth all this pain and frustration to still hang on to your faith? Just give it up." Yeah, as hard as it is for me to admit it, I've been going to some dark places in my mind lately. But then something happens--I hear a song, I see something online--and it reinforces my resolve to keep believing. So when I heard where the sermon was going this morning, I knew it was another encouraging message from above.
Jody said something that really stuck with me, that I had to write it down. "When you go through the hard times, you get to experience God's grace in a way you never would." No, I don't expect to go breezing through life without a care in the world. That's just not how things work. If you don't experience the bad stuff, then you won't be able to appreciate the good stuff. It's kind of like Christmas. I LOVE Christmas! The lights, the food, the family, the songs (yeah, I'm one of those people that tunes into a radio station when it switches to the seasonal music!). I would love for Christmastime to be all year round. But then it wouldn't be as magical for me, I wouldn't think. I don't know if that's the best example, but it's what I could come up with.
So, to answer the question "Is it worth it?" Yes, I believe it is. I don't know how long this trial will last, but there WILL be an end and we WILL finally get peaceful (hopefully worry-free) rest.

Update: I realized after finishing this and posting it that I had one more thing to say. With us going through all of this, we have had such an outpouring of support from friends and family. We can't thank people enough for all the help, love, and prayers we have received. So, to answer that little voice in my head of questionable origins, "Is it worth it to hang on to my faith?" Yeah. I think so. If it wasn't worth it then I wouldn't feel such an urgency to keep it, both from within myself, as well as from loved ones that surround me.

Another playlist for you:

"Stronger" ~Mandisa (I've put this one before, but it keeps coming up...hmm, a message?)
"Blessed Be Your Name" ~Tree63
"Good Fight" ~Unspoken
"When You Come Back to Me Again" ~Garth Brooks
"Drops in the Ocean" ~Hawk Nelson
"Let the Waters Rise" ~Mikeschair

An Ode to Mothers

Today is Mother's Day. What? You didn't know? Umm...go call your mother, okay?
On this Mother's Day, I'd like to acknowledge a few people. A few mothers, to be exact.
First, I'd like to send some love to my sisters-in-law. Ya'll do such amazing jobs with your kids. I realize, what with being a mom myself, that a lot goes on behind the scenes that many don't see. But what I do see is awesome. From trips to festivals to spontaneous dance parties in living rooms, you guys make motherhood look so fun.
Second is to my mother-in-law. Debbie, you have done an amazing job raising the man who I am proud to call my husband. If it weren't for you, I don't know who I'd have ended up with. You have taught him not only how to love a woman, but also how to love our Lord, and for that I thank you. I've said it numerous times and I'll say it again: you have welcomed me into your family so easily. You're a wonderful mother-in-law and a great grandmother (not to be confused with great-grandmother!).
Lastly...my own mother. Mom, you are the most awesome mom a girl (or I guess guy, too) could ever have. I know growing up there were some rough patches here and there, but now you are my best friend. You've taught me so much about what it means to be a mother. I hope I can even be half as great a mom to Monkey and Squeaker as you were to all of us. You're my go-to person for just about everything, and I can't wait to tell you about news, whether world news or just my own. I love you, mom.
And to all my mother friends, whether old or new, whether you have multiple children or just one, keep up the good work. Don't be too hard on yourselves as you're doing the best you can. Have fun. Hold your babies close. Give lots of hugs and kisses.