We Found a Love in a Hopeless Place

I am completely and utterly a hopeless romantic. I loved the fairytales growing up...Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid (obviously the Disney versions, not the Grimm's Tales). The damsel in distress, the dashing Prince Charming coming to the rescue, true love's kiss...yep, I've fallen for it all. So is it any surprise that I hoped for this to happen in my life? Doesn't every woman to some degree want her white knight to come charging in on his noble steed? But we don't live in that world. We live in a world of hurt and lies and corruption at every turn. One has to wonder how we can even make it through.
Well, I stuck to my guns. Sure, I had a lot of letdowns and subsequent heartache. I mean, look at me...I don't have the petite figure and perfect features that were drawn by artists. I may have put on a happy face, but at the back of my mind I had my doubts my prince would ever come. I was going to have my fairytale, daggone it!
And I got it. I believed that there was someone out there for me. It took us a little while to find each other. Heck, my husband wasn't even really looking (not like I was, anyway). He had no intentions of ever marrying. But there's someone for everyone. I truly believe that. Soulmate is a mythical "being" that I believe is not quite so mythical. In a world where I think statistics show one out of every three or five marriages don't last, you have to believe that someone will take care of you when you're old and gray, even when they can barely take care of themselves.
I'm going to get religious on you (so atheists, don't read on!)...Noah took pairs of all the animals. They were the soulmates of the animal kingdom. Noah had his own soulmate as well on that ark. God made it that way.
Mike got me a new smartphone as an early Christmas present. As I was flipping through the apps I could download, I came across one that is a daily Bible verse (there's also devotions and more to the application, but for now I just use it for the verse to kind of give me something to think about each day). Today's verse? "1 Corinthians 13:7-8 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
Certain recent events have hit me (and others) hard. And then this shows up on my phone. Some have given up on the situation, but I refuse to surrender. There is method to His "madness." We may not know what exactly, yet, but I can't give up on love. The Beatles had it right...all you need is love.

(Yes, I did end an entry referring to both God and the Beatles in one paragraph...)

How Can I Be a Friend?

What do you do when you can't do anything? What do you say when there's nothing you can say? When a lifelong best friend's life is turned upside down, you want to turn it back right for them, but you can't. You can say all the cliches, like "hang in there" or "everything happens for a reason." And, yes, maybe everything does happen for a reason, but it's not something they want to hear in a time like this. In fact, what does anyone want to hear during a time like this? Maybe they don't want to hear anything...they want to feel it.

There's Always Someone Else For You to Blame

Okay, recent events in the media are really starting to tick me off!
Number one: Penn State scandal
Instead of looking at the man who was actually committing the crime, they turn it around on the good Samaritan. Joe Paterno turned in the man who was molesting the boys, did what he was supposed to do, and yet the country is blaming him, saying he should have gone even higher. He did what was expected. He did what was asked. If he had done any more, he would have been chewed up one side and down the other. It's like the little story my father tells me: A man gets stabbed and the knife is left in him. When the police come, he is arrested for having a concealed weapon. Seriously, people?
Number two: Violence in the media/violence being committed
Okay, I wasn't sure how to word that, so let me explain: I watch the news every morning while I pump (I know, you really didn't want to know that!), and then again at mom's while I'm feeding the baby. I kid you not, every single morning there is a new story about a shooting/stabbing/hit-and-run that happened overnight (five on Halloween night!). The other day there was a story about a student that was stabbed while trying to break up a fight at the college my mom (and my dad?) went to. Fox 5 News got a professional on there for an interview, who proceeded to "explain" that all of this violence with people today is due to mainstream media showing it all the time...news, movies, video games, prime time networks. I absolutely ABHOR the idea that this has such an effect on our minds! I watch shows like NCIS, CSI, Law & Order, etc., but you don't see me going out and trying to murder someone!!! I remember one episode of The Simpsons (I'm not a big fan of the show, but I've caught a few episodes over the years) when Marge (the mom, for those that don't know) and Maggie (the baby) are watching the cartoon Itchy & Scratchy, which is always violent, normally ending in one of the characters being brutally killed or at least maimed. Maggie then proceeded to try to kill/injure Homer (the dad...but I think just about everyone knows that!). Marge blamed it on the cartoon. I forget exactly how the episode resolved...I remember the makers of the cartoon then made Marge a character to make fun of her. Anyway...the point is Bart and Lisa always watch the cartoon and they were fine. The majority of the country watch shows/play games like that and they aren't going out and killing/maiming people. There are people that may not see any of it, and yet they will go out for blood. The media has nothing to do with a person's willingness to cause harm.
Okay, I think I'm done with my little rant. I'm going to stop now. Good-bye.

When You Say Nothing at All

Ever since I've gone back to work two and a half weeks ago, I've wanted to stay home. I've been a little stressed, what with trying to work out with my parents (who have been the greatest, as always!) when they're going to have him, getting up and getting not only myself ready to go in the mornings but Jake as well, getting back into the swing of things at work, and having to deal with an "apprentice." I just feel like I've been almost going a mile a minute! There's some tension at work that has been building since before I went on leave, and I came back to it being at an all-time high. So many things are running through my mind at any given minute.

And then I come home to this...

...and all is right in the world again!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes...Turn and Face the Strange

It's been a little while, I know. You're probably all thinking, "Now why don't she write?" I've been a little preoccupied with a certain little one, however, and haven't had very much interesting to say, except possibly how cute my son looks when he smiles, or how cute his little coos and laughs are...or just how cute he is in general, but I figured that would get a little old after, say, five or six entries so I figured I'd keep my fingers in check.
No, I'm writing now because so much is going through my mind. I've been thinking about how, when I look back on my life, it seems like it's going by so fast. I feel as though I was just in school, and yet now I've graduated, met a wonderful mand and got married, bought a house, and just had a baby. Wow, a lot has gone on in my life!
And now I think I may have another change coming into effect. I've been at my job now since my sophmore year of high school (grant it, I was a kennel person back then and now I'm a groomer). This is the one and only job I've had. It's had it's ups and downs, and I love doing what I'm doing. There just have been some recent developments that have gotten me thinking about other things out there. Part of me is scared...scared of the unknown, of the new, of the different. I've been in the same place for over 10 years now, and although I've been told numerous times that it's not the best job for me, I've stayed because I was comfortable with it.
But I think it's time for me to get out of my comfort zone...well, a little. Change of scenery, perhaps. The other day (my second day back to work after the baby), on my way to work I was just thinking about different things: how I hated leaving my son, how the situation at work had gotten even worse (which none of us had even thought was possible), how my husband and I could try to cut expenses here and there, or at least somehow try to save more money. While all of this...and more...was going through my head, the Garth Brooks song "The River" was playing on the radio. Now, I've mentioned before here about one of the reasons behind the title of my blog. That being said, one line really hit me as I listened:
"I know there'll be rough waters, and I know I'll take some falls. But with the good Lord as my captain, I can make it through them all."
I started tearing up right there and then. I've mentioned before that I'm not an uber religious person and don't ever claim to be. But I believe I was being sent a message of sorts. I had been contemplating leaving the grooming career for something that was an easier job (or at least in my mind it was), like a bank teller or a cashier. A position where I didn't have to do much, just be there with a smile because it was easy. While that still sounds tempting, that line keeps popping in my head. I had always detested those people that do their job, not because they love it, but because it pays a lot of money, and then in the end complain on and on about how much they hated their job. I never wanted to be one of those people. And yet here I was thinking about becoming one! I love being around animals. I really like grooming, my artistic ability coming out through the haircuts. I don't necessarily have to still be a groomer, but I'd still like to be in the animal business.
So, here I go, into the wild blue yonder...or at least out to find somewhere new. It may be rough, and I'll be a bundle of nerves, but I know I have Someone looking out for me wherever I go.

And Don't You Know That it Hurts Me So...

...To say goodbye to you...

Okay, so I'm not entirely saying goodbye to my cat, Jasper. He just went to my mom and dad's farm to be an outside cat. But it still hurts...
Let me start a little further back. I had the baby, for those of you that didn't know. Jake was born on the 24th of June. Mike and I (and the whole rest of our families) are so excited! Now, as you people know, Mike and I have two dogs and two cats. There are those out there that completely FREAK out at this information, not so much the dogs, but the cats. They'll "smell the milk on the baby," "the hair will choke the baby," they will "scratch the baby to pieces," and numerous other concerns and old wives' tales. Okay, as far as the scratching...I keep my cats' nails clipped anyway because I personally don't like being stabbed to death when they're in my lap. The hair choking the baby? Yes, we don't vacuum quite as often as we should, but I assure you, there are no hairballs anywhere around the baby. And smelling the milk on the baby...that's just a myth. Okay, maybe if they get right up on the baby they'll smell it, but people make it sound as though as soon as the baby eats, no matter where the cats are in the house, they will be in the crib in seconds. Cats and babies CAN coexist, despite what people (especially older women) tell you.
That all being said...we're getting rid of the cats. I know, I know: why go on this soap box spiel about babies and cats coexisting if you're not giving it a chance? Well, I did give it a chance, and unfortunately, the cats lost. We had been thinking about giving Cali up for a little while anyway, because we can't seem to break her of getting on the counters and getting food. Jasper I had broken of that at my apartment in college because I was able to see him. I can't catch Cali. She's really sweet and loving, so if anyone is willing, she's free to a good home. As for Jasper...Jasper's my baby. He was my first pet...MY first pet, not a family pet. He has such a personality on him. He'd greet me at the door when I came home, he'd paw at me to be picked up, he'd give me kisses, he'd snuggle up to me under the covers in the winter and sleep in the crook of my arm and purr. I had put my foot down to my husband that I was not giving him up (Mike's not a cat person and he's been trying to convince me to get rid of them for almost a year now). I didn't want to give Cali up, but I finally conceded. But Jasper was going to stay with me.
What changed was when he decided to jump in the crib to investigate what this new creature is that mommy brought home on the second night Jake was here. It scared me enough to realize that, even if Jasper is being innocent and just wanted to snuggle up to this new being, Jasper is twice the size of Jake and could suffocate him.
So today I made my tearful goodbye. Okay, okay...so it's not goodbye. Mom and dad agreed to take him on the condition he is strictly an outside cat (the family cat died and so dad didn't want to have to deal with anymore litter...that, and even though Jasper's neutered, he still smells like he's intact). He knew something was up because he saw the carrier in the hallway. I took him to get updated on his shots and then Mike and I turned him loose at mom and dad's. He explored a little while I was there (mainly of the back porch and deck where his food will be), and then set up camp by the back door, crying to be let back in (Which is funny, if you think about it...the whole time I lived at home he kept trying to escape out the back door, even slipping out a couple times and going under the house. Now I finally let him out and all he wants is to come back in!)
I know it's for the best, and at least he's still with people he knows, even if he is outside. But I just worry about him...the guy that hays the fields hasn't done that yet, so I'm freaked Jasper'll be in the long grass when he starts. There's wild animals and stray dogs and occasional stray cats that come and go through the property, so I'm worried he'll tangle with them. Maybe he'll run away. I know he's just a cat, but he's been my little buddy for six years now, and all that stuff mentioned above that he would do I won't have anymore.

I Remember Daddy's Hands

There are so many memories and moments that I remember with my dad. Too many to put down here or else you guys would be reading a Hawthorne novel. But I'd like to share with you a man that means so much in my life...
My entire family is incredibly close, which this day and age is a rare commodity. Even with all of my brothers starting their own families and moving to different states, or even just different cities in one state, we all manage to keep in touch with both each other and our parents. Mom mainly is the "ambassador" for our parents, dad just kinda staying in the background. Though, we always know he's there...literally, we ALWAYS know he's there, the man is so loud! My brothers told me that they were at an away game for either soccer or football (I think football, because I think that was the only sport both Jimmy and Eric were on the same team) and without even needing to turn around, one leaned over to the other and mumbled, "Dad's here," having heard him above all the other voices in the crowd. When we call the house, mom doesn't even need to put him on the phone...we just have conversations with him through her because we can hear him perfectly through the receiver. Even if we aren't talking to him, he's always singing or going on about something nonsensical (yes, that's my word).
Growing up was slightly different, as far as I'm concerned. He would always go to my brothers' sports and such, but I wasn't in sports, so I didn't have the number one fan they did. Not to say he wasn't rooting for me in everything I did. Dad worked a lot, and there were literally times that I didn't see him, either because he was working an odd schedule or he would get home from work and have to go practically straight to bed because he had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn.
I remember one memory, burning bright in the back of my mind, though. It was winter, I'm not sure how old I was, but pretty young. I hadn't seen him very much it seemed to me because of his work schedule. But he had gone out hunting one night and it was right after we had had a really good snow. My brothers, mom, and I were all in the living room watching TV when we heard dad's boots stomping in the back porch, announcing his arrival. Normally, after coming in from hunting, he'd unload at the back door, go to his room and get out of his hunting clothes, then usually lie down or maybe come to the living room to watch TV, depending on the day and how late it was. Well, this time, after getting the snow off his boots, he appeared at the living room door and said he wanted to show us something. My brothers didn't really want to go out in the cold at night, so I was the only one that went. I hurried to dress warmly, then ran downstairs and dad and I headed back out into the night. The snow had a crust on it that crunched under our boots. It was dark out, but there was a full moon (or at least a really bright one) out that night, so we didn't even use a flashlight. We didn't talk. Dad led me down the path that went to, at the time, a cornfield down by the river. We came out of the woods into the open field and I took in the sight...the field was completely untouched, no footprints, no animals, nothing. But because the snow had the crust and the moon was so bright, it was a field of diamonds! It was absolutely breathtaking. Every turn of the head and shift of the eye had millions of little sparkles shining everywhere! We stood there for a little bit, then decided it was getting too late and too cold so we headed back. I remember telling my dad on the way back, "I'm glad my brothers didn't come, that it was just you and me. We haven't done a lot of stuff together lately."
Other things about dad...
-I remember him taking us fishing at the trout pond near Graves' Mountain Lodge.
-I always help him butcher deer (when he gets one). I used to dance with them...yeah, kinda morbid, I know.
-He taught me how to drive. Mom helped, too, but dad gave me the tricks for dangerous conditions.
-Occasionally he'd read to me at night if I asked him. There was a big book of bedtime stories for every night of the year. I think originally it was my oldest brothers, but we were all read to from it. On the cover was a picture of a scarecrow leaning against a tree, reading to little woodland creatures and fireflies. He'd point to each image, asking what the animal was. He'd get to the back of the book (the picture wrapped around) where there were three fireflies and the other side of the tree. He'd point to each one and we'd say, "Lightbug. Lightbug. Lightbug. Tree." Then it was bedtime.
-He taught me how to shoot his .22 rifle. I'm pretty good. I was better than him at one point!
-Alan Sherman, Dr. Demento, Ray Stevens...enough said...
-We grew up not knowing the real words to songs, because dad always made up his own!
Oh, there are so many things I could put on here, but I've gotten a bit long-winded as it is. Long story short...Dad is a major part of who I am today. There were tough times, sure...like when I had JUST finished cleaning the entire living room and literally just sat down when dad walked in and thought I was watching TV and grounded me from TV for a week and I was so mad! Or when Chris was in charge while mom and dad were gone and Eric and I didn't listen to him, so dad woke us up when he got home and heard the news and punished us right there and then. But there were more good times to outweigh them. And it all just taught me the love he had for my brothers and me. Happy Father's Day, daddy!