Happy Birthday to You!

To our little monkey man,
It's that time of year. I go back and have to read previous posts I've written, just to see how far you've come and what milestones you've hit. You're growing into quite the young man. So much has happened this past year (unfortunately not all of it good). You had to go into the hospital for a little while a few months ago because you were really sick with pneumonia. Mommy and daddy were so worried. Mommy stayed with you the whole time, though, only leaving your side once when she had to go to the doctor herself. Papaw snuck in some of Mema's cookies for you, which made you feel a little better. As your mother, I forbid you to get sick like that again, do you understand?
Another big thing that happened this year is you got a baby sister, Evie! You are such an AWESOME big brother to her and a big help to mommy and daddy. You like to sing to her, kiss her, give her her pacifier, and the other day I heard you telling her the sounds different animals make. You even "read" to her occasionally.
You tell mommy and daddy all the time that you're a big boy now. You insist that you can do different things, or that you shouldn't have to do things, because you're a big boy, and big boys do/don't do that stuff. You're still having a little setback with potty training, as you will still poo in your pull-up, usually overnight. During the day you'll use the potty no problem, and have even for the most part stopped completely stripping down just to use the bathroom. You'll just pull your pants down and then back up when finished (thankfully!).
Around the house you're a big help. We haven't set up specific chores for you yet, but you'll help mommy with laundry, unloading the dishwasher, feeding the dogs, bringing in the groceries and putting them away, and helping mommy clean up after she grooms. It takes quite a bit of coaxing to get you to clean your toys downstairs, but you're pretty good about cleaning your room and making your bed. One thing that mommy loves is how you'll randomly wrap your arms around mommy and kiss her cheek if you can and say sweetly, "I love you, mommy!" You don't do it as much to daddy, but you will tell him you love him on occasion.
You still love learning like I mentioned last year (yay!). You have a bag of learning tools, mainly from Mema, as well as flash cards of colors, shapes, and numbers that you love to get out and look at. You are so smart, too. Mema has a fuzzy die that you play with when we're over there and you don't have to physically count the numbers on each side. You just take one glance and declare what it is. You know all your numbers up to 20 (though you do tend to leave out fourteen for some reason), shapes, colors (and even are starting to learn what color combinations make what color), and letters. You're trying to learn how to tell time, which really has mommy flabbergasted. You ask mommy and daddy all the time what time it is. I think you're starting to catch on a little bit to reading digital time. You have a wooden analog clock that you got from Miss Ashley from church that you pull out and study/play with occasionally. We're always amazed as well how you pick up words, and even use them correctly (Ex: You told me not long ago that you evolved from a cat to a dog in a past life.)
That being said, kid, you say some of the craziest things! I've taken to sharing our conversations on Facebook for everyone to see. The things you come up with in your little mind are so off the wall, I don't know how you come up with them (like the past life conversation).
I did an interview with you a few days ago and this is what I came up with:

-What’s your favorite color? Yellow and just red and just orange. Wait. Blue, green, and pink, and orange. Because Team Umizoomi, because Bot is green, and Millie’s dress is pink, and Geo is blue, and Umi car is orange. So I only like yellow, green, and orange.

-What’s your favorite toy? Green lawnmower

-What’s your favorite fruit? Oranges

-What’s your favorite TV show? Team Umizoomi and Paw Patrol

-What’s your favorite thing for lunch? Jelly sandwiches

-What’s your favorite outfit? Dinosaur shirt

-What’s your favorite snack? Popcorn

-What’s your favorite animal? Lizards and a pig

-What’s your favorite song? ABC

-What’s your favorite book? Thomas book

-Who’s your best friend? Big Jacob

-What’s your favorite cereal? Cheerios

-What do you like to do outside? Water table

-What’s your favorite drink? Juice

-What’s your favorite holiday? The one with candy and Batman (Halloween)

-Who sleeps with you at night? Ruff and blanket

-What do you like to eat for breakfast? I LOVE pancakes!

-What do you want to be when you grow up? A big boy.

I think that's about it for this year, monkey. Next year we'll have to get you signed up to go to kindergarten! Mommy doesn't know what she's going to do then. You're excited at the prospect of starting school, and even tell me all the time that you want to go to school. Hopefully you'll still feel this way when you actually do start.
Mommy and daddy love you so much, buddy. Happy birthday!

Every Move You Make...I'll Be Watching You

All right! I have a small rant to release here. I may upset some people, I don't know.
I just saw an article (a slightly sarcastic one) that reported allegedly the arresting police officers of the Charleston, SC shooter stopped at a Burger King and bought the shooter some food. That's not what upsets me (well, it does in part, but I'll get to that in a moment). What upsets me is how outraged people are about it. The police in this country just can't win! If they don't listen to the suspect, they get slammed for not listening and possibly preventing a tragedy later. When they do listen, they get ripped to shreds because they helped a horrible person. What the heck, people!
Okay, so I realize part of the outrage has a racial basis. The suspects that weren't acknowledged were black and the one that was is white. Also, the crimes were quite a bit different in severity. And that may be the main background for this outcry of "injustice." If it is, then, yes, I wholeheartedly agree that it's not fair.
We need to lay off the police and direct our disdain to where it needs to be, which is towards the actual criminals. The police are doing their jobs. Yes, as with just about every aspect of life, you have the bad with the good. There are rotten apples in with the shiny, crisp ones. But we can't blame the good ones and judge them on what the bad ones are doing. People complain about police profiling people. What do you think happens to them? The police are used as boogeymen to keep children in line. They're used as threats.
They put their lives on the line EVERY...SINGLE...DAY. They leave their families, their wives, their children every morning, sometimes not even knowing if they'll be returning that evening. We've seen the news. We've seen the videos of traffic stops gone bad. The police take risks for others that I'm pretty sure most of us wouldn't even DARE to attempt. They're doing their jobs, and if you don't cooperate and hassle them, then you make those situations much harder than it has to be, both for you and for them. Cut them some slack. They make mistakes. They're only human.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight

Is it worth it?

That was the sentiment of the sermon this morning. With everything that we've gone through and are still going through, I've been thinking (and praying) a lot. The thinking part is not always good, as I tend to OVER think, or just scenarios run rampant through my mind that don't always have the greatest outcome.
When Jody said those four little words in front of all of us this morning, I immediately perked up. Quite a few times lately a voice in my head uttered those exact words. "Is it worth it? Is it worth all this pain and frustration to still hang on to your faith? Just give it up." Yeah, as hard as it is for me to admit it, I've been going to some dark places in my mind lately. But then something happens--I hear a song, I see something online--and it reinforces my resolve to keep believing. So when I heard where the sermon was going this morning, I knew it was another encouraging message from above.
Jody said something that really stuck with me, that I had to write it down. "When you go through the hard times, you get to experience God's grace in a way you never would." No, I don't expect to go breezing through life without a care in the world. That's just not how things work. If you don't experience the bad stuff, then you won't be able to appreciate the good stuff. It's kind of like Christmas. I LOVE Christmas! The lights, the food, the family, the songs (yeah, I'm one of those people that tunes into a radio station when it switches to the seasonal music!). I would love for Christmastime to be all year round. But then it wouldn't be as magical for me, I wouldn't think. I don't know if that's the best example, but it's what I could come up with.
So, to answer the question "Is it worth it?" Yes, I believe it is. I don't know how long this trial will last, but there WILL be an end and we WILL finally get peaceful (hopefully worry-free) rest.

Update: I realized after finishing this and posting it that I had one more thing to say. With us going through all of this, we have had such an outpouring of support from friends and family. We can't thank people enough for all the help, love, and prayers we have received. So, to answer that little voice in my head of questionable origins, "Is it worth it to hang on to my faith?" Yeah. I think so. If it wasn't worth it then I wouldn't feel such an urgency to keep it, both from within myself, as well as from loved ones that surround me.

Another playlist for you:

"Stronger" ~Mandisa (I've put this one before, but it keeps coming up...hmm, a message?)
"Blessed Be Your Name" ~Tree63
"Good Fight" ~Unspoken
"When You Come Back to Me Again" ~Garth Brooks
"Drops in the Ocean" ~Hawk Nelson
"Let the Waters Rise" ~Mikeschair

An Ode to Mothers

Today is Mother's Day. What? You didn't know? Umm...go call your mother, okay?
On this Mother's Day, I'd like to acknowledge a few people. A few mothers, to be exact.
First, I'd like to send some love to my sisters-in-law. Ya'll do such amazing jobs with your kids. I realize, what with being a mom myself, that a lot goes on behind the scenes that many don't see. But what I do see is awesome. From trips to festivals to spontaneous dance parties in living rooms, you guys make motherhood look so fun.
Second is to my mother-in-law. Debbie, you have done an amazing job raising the man who I am proud to call my husband. If it weren't for you, I don't know who I'd have ended up with. You have taught him not only how to love a woman, but also how to love our Lord, and for that I thank you. I've said it numerous times and I'll say it again: you have welcomed me into your family so easily. You're a wonderful mother-in-law and a great grandmother (not to be confused with great-grandmother!).
Lastly...my own mother. Mom, you are the most awesome mom a girl (or I guess guy, too) could ever have. I know growing up there were some rough patches here and there, but now you are my best friend. You've taught me so much about what it means to be a mother. I hope I can even be half as great a mom to Monkey and Squeaker as you were to all of us. You're my go-to person for just about everything, and I can't wait to tell you about news, whether world news or just my own. I love you, mom.
And to all my mother friends, whether old or new, whether you have multiple children or just one, keep up the good work. Don't be too hard on yourselves as you're doing the best you can. Have fun. Hold your babies close. Give lots of hugs and kisses.

Something Beautiful

I've been hearing Steven Curtis Chapman's song a lot lately (maybe it's a new song?). Some of you know Mike and I have been going through A LOT lately (like, since this year started). We haven't been able to catch a break, between Jake's hospital stay with pneumonia, my bronchitis at the same time, me injuring my ribs just coughing, Mike's beloved great aunt passing, Evie's dramatic entry into this world and subsequent hospital stay, and now Mike being out of work due to an injury that does not want to heal. And those are the big things that we've had to deal with. It's a little overwhelming. But I'm trusting that there's a reason (or reasons) for all of this. I'm finding myself trying to force myself to look for the good through this. Maybe it's my eternal optimism, or maybe it's because I will shatter through whatever it is that is barely holding me together and completely lose it if I don't.
I obviously don't know all the reasons for what's been going on. Heck, I may not know ANY of the reasons, but I can speculate, if nothing else, to make Mike and myself feel better.
For example, because Mike was injured and has been out of work, he has not had to take any additional time off to be present at the funeral nor for all the trips to go visit Evie in the hospital. I figure Evie spent so much time in the hospital to give me a chance to heal from surgery so I'm able to properly take care of her (and everyone else in this household!) when she got home. I'm not sure the reason(s) that Mike has not healed by now, and in fact needs even more time off and is now unable to do the academy this spring to further training for his job, but I'm sure there's a really good one. God has a reason for everything, and I'm trying my darnedest to trust Him completely. It's hard, but He's got this.
I don't normally like showing my struggles. I don't know if it's a "don't show weakness" thing I have or what, but I don't like letting people see this. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. This is not post-partum. We've been through (and are still going through) a lot and I just feel I have to get this out somehow, some way or it'll eat me up. I in a way pride myself on being strong, but one can only be strong so long.

That being said, here's a little happy "playlist" that's been going through my head, if you were curious:

"Something Beautiful" ~Steven Curtis Chapman
"Worn" ~Tenth Avenue North
"You Carry Me" ~Moriah Peters
"Two Sparrows in a Hurricane" ~Tanya Tucker
"Get Back Up" ~Toby Mac
"Tubthumpin'" ~Chumbawumba (yeah, that's a throwback for ya!)
"Overcomer" ~Mandisa
"Stronger" ~Mandisa
"He Said" ~Group 1 Crew

There's Two Sides to a Story

I will say first and foremost that I realize by writing this I may lose some respect from people, I may lose friends, some of you may look at me totally different, and I am probably opening all sorts of cans of worms. But I really would like to express my opinion, and if you don't like what I have to say, I'm sorry.
Also a disclaimer: I may give away some spoilers to those who actually WANT to read the books before judging them, and I'm sorry.
So, if you haven't heard, there's a series of books being turned into a movie (well, the first book is being movied, I don't know about the future of the others) known as "Fifty Shades of Grey." What? You haven't heard of it? That's one soundproof rock you've been living under then. Quite a few of my friends have been posting articles slamming the books and the movie. First of all, I have to say that the movie isn't even OUT yet, so how can you accurately critique something that has only been viewed by a select few? I have patiently read each of these reviews and opinion pieces as I do try to see the other side. I've noticed something about each and every one of the pieces. Yes. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE: The author of the article has not read the books. Most of them admit it straight out, that they don't even WANT to read the books, and the others I can tell they haven't read the books because of information they ASSUME is in them. I'm not writing this to try to convince anyone to change their mind, to read the books or watch the movie. If you don't want to, that's perfectly fine. All I'm saying is don't condemn something so vehemently without any true knowledge of it.
Yes, the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy has sex in it. It even (barely) explores the realm of bondage and sexual sadism. (I'm not trying to make light of that fact, as sexual sadism is not something to take lightly no matter how much or how little there is.) But people keep shouting "abuse" and talking about "forcing" an innocent young virgin to do unimaginable things and even saying that a rich, powerful man is using said power and money to influence such a young and impressionable woman.
That's where I know that the authors of such articles haven't read the books. (And here's where some spoilers may come in.) If they had read them, then they would know that Ana (the main female character) wanted nothing to do with Christian's (the main male character) money and expensive gifts. She tried to return each and every one. She explains to him (when they actually get into a relationship...yeah, they actually DO have a relationship other than sex) that she feels like she's being bought and therefore DOESN'T want the expensive things. Even when they get married in the third book (*gasp* They get married?!), she's not used to having all the money and tries not to use it if she can help it. He offers to make her owner of the publishing company she works for just because he can, but she doesn't want that.
They say she chases him. Hold on just one moment if you will. They go out for coffee and she does get a little dreamy-eyed. He immediately tells her that he "doesn't do the dating thing," and tells her to stay away from him. You know what? SHE TAKES HIS ADVICE! She's upset, but she puts him out of her mind and goes on with her life. HE'S the one that chases her and decides to do things her way. He lets her meet his family. He meets her family. He publicly admits they're dating. Yes, DATING.
They say he makes her do things. She doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. He tells her she can walk away any time. And she does. At the end of the book, SHE wants to know the worst he'll do and he shows her. She IMMEDIATELY leaves. And he's devastated. Why? Because he LOVES her. Yeah, I said it. He loves her.
These books are not about a man trying to abuse, break, demean an innocent woman because he can. It is about a mentally unstable man who is saved from himself and his past by a strong woman. She doesn't give in to him. She does what she wants and he's okay with that. He actually finds that he likes that she fights back with him and argues with him (no, he doesn't like it like THAT...it's not a turn on). I don't care what people say...this trilogy IS a love story. If so-called critics actually read the books, then they'd know that.
I wouldn't say the books/movie glorify the darker realms of sex. No, it's not a tender romance, but it's not dark. It's kinky. It's just unconventional. Not your missionary sex (sorry!). If that's not your cup of tea, then okay.
The main article I keep seeing is this one (I've seen others, but this one seems to be really popular). I will say that these are some of the most ridiculous "points" that any person has made on the subject. 1) If you're good-looking and rich, you can do what you want--Christian doesn't let anyone know (not even his family) what he does. He makes people sign non-disclosure agreements. Obviously it's not something he's particularly proud of. 2) Sex is completely for pleasure--I don't know how the person came to this conclusion exactly. 3) If you stick with a guy long enough he'll change--she's not trying to change him. She's trying to understand him. She doesn't know how it'll work out. She's basically treating this as a relationship, which it is. 4) You can do whatever sexual violence and she'll love it--again, I don't know how they came to this conclusion. She lets him do what SHE wants, what she's okay with. When he shows her his darkest side, the side she can't handle, she leaves.
As for women (or men) taking their significant others to see the movie in hopes to enhance their sexual and/or intimate lives, that's kind of a whole different issue. Yes, sex is supposed to be intimate between you and your mate. But however you and your mate choose to relish in that intimacy is up to you and your mate, not someone telling you what's wrong or right with a certain sexual style.
And I think lastly, as far as the Christian aspect, no, maybe you shouldn't see the movie. But then you shouldn't have seen "Titanic." Maybe you shouldn't have seen "Bridget Jones' Diary." Maybe you shouldn't have seen "Gone With the Wind." Maybe you shouldn't have seen any of the "Twilight" movies (for those that have). Heck, maybe you shouldn't watch any of the "Harry Potter" movies. Yes, I completely put "Fifty Shades of Grey" in the same category of "Harry Potter." Both, if you're going with "I'm a Christian and therefore it's wrong to see it," have aspects that are basically forbidden in the Bible.
I, for one, would like to see the movie. For me it's more for a literary aspect. I read the books and I'm hoping Hollywood won't, well, do what they normally do and screw up the story. I don't know that I want to see it in theaters, per se, but I would like to see it. And if that upsets you, I'm sorry. If you don't want to see it, then don't. If you don't want to read the books, then don't. But don't just read articles by people who ASSUME what something's about and take it as truth. Try to get the whole picture before you decide.

Home

Last week I sent out a mass text to all my family that I really didn't want to have to send: our three-year-old son had been admitted into the Children's Hospital at UVA for atypical, multi-focal pneumonia (Sounds kinda fancy...basically there were about three main spots--multi-focal--of his lungs that were effected. I'm not sure what made it atypical.). We had taken him to the doctor the week before because he had a cough (so did I) that sounded yucky and he had a fever and just generally wasn't feeling well. They said he had a bad respiratory infection and sent him home on the antibiotic amoxicillin. He did better for a couple days, but then drastically went downhill. He didn't want to eat, he barely drank, he didn't smile, he didn't play. He basically slept all day and all night, waking occasionally to cry out. It was the worst time of my life (I know, this isn't about me, but if you're a parent, I think you totally understand what I mean). I didn't know what to do. This wasn't our little monkey. This wasn't the little silly creature that would spin around, stop, and tell me very seriously that his "eyes were all spinny." This wasn't the little cuddler that would randomly throw his arms around my leg and say so sweetly, "I love you, mommy." This wasn't our little boy. He didn't want baths. He didn't want story time. He didn't want smoothies.
So I set up another appointment with our regular doctor (the one before was at MedExpress), who quite literally took one look at his pitiful form and quick, shallow breathing and told us to immediately go to the ER at UVA. We headed on down and were taken back almost immediately. He was a complete trooper when they put a catheter in, even despite having to try two different locations. It took a while, but we were admitted into the pediatric wing that night (Wednesday, January 28th). We thought we'd only be there for the night, get some treatments, and be sent home for recovery. He was a little better the next day, though still not eating or drinking well. He was put on an IV drip and oxygen. Mema and Papaw (my parents) snuck him in some homemade cookies, which he was really happy about, but then started coughing and didn't want anymore. The next day he got worse again. The doctors reassured us that he probably would get worse before getting better, as things started breaking up and moving around and such. I left my bedside vigil that day to go to the doctor myself, as my cough had gotten worse and sinus pressure was painful. Mike had gone earlier that day for his cough (Yeah...the WHOLE family was sick. They say sharing is caring!) and was just diagnosed with a viral infection that had to run it's course. I wasn't quite so lucky and was diagnosed with a bad bronchitis, being put on antibiotics immediately so I didn't wind up in the hospital with Jake. Maybe we could have gotten a family suite?

That may have been the deepest part of our pit, as the following days got better and better. Jake started eating more, was moving around, taken off of oxygen, and finally giving us glimpses of his mischievous smile. We had a slight backslide when his catheter blocked and they couldn't find another good vein (it took them five tries to get one). We could have come home last night, but his breathing was slightly labored so we stayed just to be on the safe side.
Now we are home. He's eating well enough, playing with his toys, watching TV, and slowly getting back to normal. We still have a little way to go yet, both him and me, but by God's great grace, we'll get there.
In true "Life's a Musical" form, I had a few songs go through my head at random moments while in the hospital. They're good songs. You should take a listen.

~"Overwhelmed" Big Daddy Weave
~"Please Come Home Soon" SheDaisy (this was running through my mind after the second day when he started getting worse again...I know it's a military song, but it's all I thought of)
~"Stronger" Mandisa
~"I Will Follow" Chris Tomlin
~"Takes a Little Time" Amy Grant