Beautiful Boy

In less than twenty-four hours it'll be your first birthday. Right now you don't realize how big of a deal that is, but that's okay. It's more of a big thing for mommy and daddy and all your relatives than it is for you. All you'll know is that there'll be a lot of people around and I'm sure a lot of presents and a lot of food and, aside from the fact that you'll probably go into the pool (the really big bathtub in Mema and Pawpaw's backyard), it's not much different from Christmas. But it is a big deal, little man. A whole year ago you made your first appearance into this world, coming into it with eyes wide open and curious. I can only hope that you'll always stay that way through life. This past year has proven it to be true, and I'm certain that's not going to change any time soon.
We've watched in awe and wonder, with a touch of humor, as you've grown and learned. Right now you're torn between not wanting to be alone and yet wanting to be independent. You're enjoying cuddle time, especially with mommy and Mema, and yet can't wait to be off on an adventure! You're learning to love books, for which I am very thankful and had hoped you would. You like to flip through them and you reach for your "My Dog" book every night at bedtime. Mommy'll read to you and make you giggle with the silly voices and motions and then let you flip through when she's done. I love watching you turn the pages, and then search each page with your hands and your eyes for the different textures of the doggies' fur and the boy's shorts.
Speaking of textures, and animals for that matter, you LOVE your kitty and doggies. You hear Cali's bell jingling and start to look around and meow for her. She loves you so much. You're a little rough with her, but she seems to know you won't hurt her and you are learning to be more gentle. Lady entertains you with her bark. She gives you lots of doggie kisses, too, which you don't know how to take sometimes. You can say "doggie," "Lady," "kitty," and a few other words now (well, well enough that they can be understood!).
At mealtime, you're alternating silly and fussy. I'm not entirely sure what happens that makes you fussy out of the blue, but usually it's not for long and are easily swayed back to silliness again. You have four teeth, two upper and two lower, and just the other day seemed to amaze yourself that they can bite off a bean, instead of putting the entire thing in your mouth. Speaking of which...you need to slow down, child! Chew your food, or at least gum it some! I know right now you want to be a big boy and feed yourself, but just because there's a bunch of pieces of food in front of you doesn't mean we want you to eat them all in one mouthful! You do love food, though. If we go out to a restaurant you want to eat, too, as long as someone has food on their plate you think you need to eat! At home, even though you've already eaten, if you see mommy or daddy with food you want some, too.
At Mema and Pawpaw's, you are definitely Pawpaw's little buddy. You go for walks sometimes, or just sit in the living room eating popcorn and "flipping" the coaster. As soon as you see him, you demand to be picked up. You love Mema, too, but it's Pawpaw you want to see the most.
There is one strange thing that has happened this past year, and I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. You'll hear mommy talk about someone in the house sometimes. It started before you were here and goes off and on. The first time it started with you was when you were six or seven months, I think. You woke up crying one night and when mommy got up to go check on you, someone turned on your mobile and you went back to sleep. You can see him, I know. You'll talk to him at night sometimes. He'll sit in the chair in your room and you'll smile, then look at me and smile. You try to reach for him sometimes, but you don't realize that he can't pick you up. He's gone away again for now, but I'm sure he's not too far away. Mommy thinks she knows who you're seeing, and he won't hurt you. He's here just to keep an eye on you, and possibly mommy. When you're older and can understand, you'll have to get mommy or Pawpaw to tell you about him.
There's so many things I could put down that you have discovered. You can stand on your own now, and can walk around with the help of furniture, but you're not ready to take that step away on your own. I'm sure the day you decide to do that is the last day I'll be able to keep up with you! You look at everything and study everything, and I can see your mind working, trying to make sense of it. And when you do, you turn to mommy or daddy and give us a big smile! Keep trying to make sense of things, little man. Keep trying to figure stuff out. Keep learning. But just don't get too big too fast, okay?

We love you, monkey. Happy birthday, baby.

She's Somebody's Hero

People do not fully comprehend a mother's job. A lot of people see the mom picking up the toys, wiping drippy noses, or sometimes even "ignoring" the tantrum going on in the middle of the store. Mom's don't do much, they think.One thing I think of is the new Mother's Day jewelry commercial (I think it's Zales or something...I know it's not Jared!). The mom does EVERYTHING...she finds the stuffed animal under the couch. She points her husband in the direction of his files (or whatever he's searching for). She chases down the bus because her child forgot his/her lunch. Moms have so much responsibility. It's not like a puppy...you can't just play with it and feed it once or twice a day and give it treats then put it out in the yard. They have a little person to take care of. You've got the poopy diapers to change, the boo-boos to fix, the fits to deal with when they're so tired but they won't go to sleep.
As for the tantrums in the store...some of the women do actually just ignore their child, while others aren't sure what to do. A bunch of people that I've heard comment on a situation like that will say, "Smack that child!" But we, as a society, are so intolerant of violence or child abuse that it's been made hard to draw the line between discipline and abuse. So, rather than face the wrath or condescension of onlookers, they just note it in their mental child behavior chart and save it for later.
But this wasn't meant to be a soap box for an issue this time. This entry is to celebrate motherhood and acknowledge and thank mothers all over the world. I'd especially like to thank my own mother for all she's done (sounds like an awards show, doesn't it?). She raised five of us and I know it wasn't easy at times. We didn't make it easy at times! (And for that, I'm sorry!) Between running us to sports games, the doctor, friends' houses, the doctor (that's right, I'm talking about you, Eric!), school, the doctor (okay, I'm talking about myself here...what with spraining my ankle at school as well as breaking my wrist on the swings), plays, parties, camp...you name it, it seems between the five of us we've been to it all. Mom would get frazzled at times, but very, VERY rarely did she let it show. The main thing she did show us was love. She didn't hold that back. Now having a child of my own, I can only hope to be like her, the greatest role model there is. She let us be us, encouraging us where it was needed, helping us back up if we fell, leading us back to the path if we got lost. Only here in the recent years have I started talking to her...really TALKING to her...about things the way friends do, and my only regret is that I didn't do this sooner (I wouldn't talk to her for anything in school!). I actually was a little sad when I'd quit my job (definitely not because of the job!) because we would talk when I'd drop Jake off and when I'd pick him up. Yeah, I know we live close, but this was a daily thing and I'd looked forward to it. I think one of the best memories I have is when I was little, before I was in school though all my brothers were, mom and I would go for walks. There was a trail on the property down to the river that we usually took. It splits and goes on either side of a creek. Mom would ask me which way I wanted to go and we usually took one side, the closer side. But then, one time, we took the farther side and I noticed all these tiny purple flowers. Now, I was the kind of kid that picked dandelions for mom, just to give her flowers (and at least for a little while she would put them in water in her little crystal bud vase). But I saw these little purple flowers and thought they were soooooo pretty that mom HAD to have them. Those little flowers were violets. And even today if I see them anywhere they make me smile (and sometimes even get the urge to pick them!) because they're mom's and my flowers.
This is a very long entry, I know. Especially since I haven't written in a little while. And even though I've only had about a year's worth of experience in this area, I know everything I've written is true and from the heart.

(Side note: when I heard this song when I first got the CD a few years ago, it immediately reminded of you, mom. I love you so much!)

And You, Sir, Do Not Have a Pair of Vegetables...

Okay, that's the strange radio-edited version of "Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith, but it was the only thing I could come up with for a musical title!
I write today to talk about compost. Yep, you read right. I said compost. Okay, so that's not the only thing I'm writing about. I have decided that this year I'm going to put in a veggie garden in the backyard. I've been wanting to for a while, but the first year we had just moved in and were trying to get settled. Then the second year (last year) I was pregnant and not really in the mood for garden maintenance. But this year, especially with my work schedule, I'm hoping to put one in and get it started. I think there is nothing better than fresh vegetables. Call me crazy (maybe not literally), but I think there's even a better taste than store-bought, and definitely better than canned (from the store...I might mention home-canned later). Not to mention, it'll save us a bit on the grocery bill, which is a huge plus. If it's successful, I hope to continue gardening to show Jake and any future children the benefits. And, in one of my books I bought (for a steal at the Green Valley Book Fair, I might add), you can burn a lot of calories by working out in the garden, which helps with my weight loss!
I've always had this little urge to go back to basics: growing my own food, canning, making what I can, etc. I would love to have livestock if I could, but a small garden is the biggest bite I'm taking right now! I'm totally serious, though. If we ever get the land, I would love to try my hand at raising chickens or maybe a cow. Now, I realize my family reads this blog and their eyes are probably bulging from their sockets. This is just a desire I have. Obviously in no way is this in the near future, or even a farther future than the near future. But I do have a yearning to go back to "the old ways." Maybe the Amish have it right (there are other cultures, I'm sure, but they're the first that come to mind). They grow their own food. They bake their own bread. They sew their own clothes. What do the rest of us do? We as a people on this earth I believe rely too much on others than on ourselves. We've really become quite lazy. Images of "Wall-E" come to mind (for those that haven't seen it, it really is a good movie and makes you think a little). Why has a piece of paper or a small chunk of metal become more important than the essentials that keep us alive? People kill for it, when they could have taken that energy and put it to something useful.
But I digress...this is not an entry to make an economic statement. Well, not as bold a one as I was heading to make. That's for a later time. Right now, I'm excited about starting a garden and hope to keep having one for years to come. I'm also hoping to learn from mom about canning and preserving, so we can enjoy our veggies all year round. I'd like to put in cucumbers, tomatoes, spinach, green peppers, and broccoli. I'm kinda thinking I'd like to try carrots in planters, but I'm not sure if I want to take that on just yet. I'm not very good with potted plants, so the carrots may not make it very far. But they say it's a good one for little kids, so maybe I'll try it when Jake's a little older.
So when dad gets the rototiller up and running, he's gonna come over and till up a plot for us. I don't have the greenest thumb, so wish me luck!

Side note: I realize that I didn't really actually talk about compost at all! But I'd really like to start a pile or get one of the bins. If anyone has suggestions on the topic, I'd appreciate it!

I Got Mad Visions, Pictures and Premonitions

First of all, I can't remember if I've mentioned in previous posts that occasionally I have prophetic dreams. Whether people choose to believe me or not, it's true. I don't have them all the time, and in fact, they tend to be nightmares instead of dreams. Every now and then I'll have three nightmares three nights in a row. Unfortunately, when they happen, I don't know which night is the "prophecy," if you will. And even then, it's not like my dreams/nightmares are a play-by-play, this-is-going-to-happen scenario. I believe I saw the events the night my friend from high school died, as well as...yes, I'm going to say it...the "Virginia Tech Massacre." I won't go into details unless someone really wants to know, but it's not until after the event happens that I fully understand the nightmare I had which is normally a few weeks to months prior to the event.

All of that being said, occasionally...actually RARELY do I have premonitions, for lack of a better word. Basically what I mean is I'm fully awake. It has been known to happen, but it's usually even more few and far between than the nightmares. Although, there was one entire week that I had thoughts and images in my head that came to fruition. For example: When I worked at the animal hospital, one day we had a greyhound come in for bloodwork. My coworker and I didn't know anything about it, really. While she was getting all of her equipment ready, I had this random thought, "You know, it's funny. I've NEVER seen a mean greyhound. It'd be really strange if this one turned out to be mean." Stupid thought to think. Next thing I know, my coworker went to stick the dog (who we hadn't muzzled) and he whipped around and bit my hand pretty bad. Come to find out, the dog was extremely mean and nothing was supposed to be done without a muzzle. The next day, I'd had a whole bunch of "skunk dogs" come in (dogs sprayed by skunks) for deskunking. All I could think of was two of my regulars that run around and get into everything and how it was only a matter of time before they came in for deskunking. Guess who I had the next day?

All this being said, my latest is kind of a big one, because it happened not months, not weeks, but DAYS before the event. About three nights ago I couldn't sleep. At all. I tossed and turned. I closed my eyes. Nothing. I tried to relax and clear my mind, but all I could think of was what I would do if the house caught on fire. What would my escape plan be? Could I manage to grab a few mementos to be saved? How could I get the pets out? What if Jake and I got caught on the second floor? No matter how I tried, I couldn't get the issue of a house fire out of my head. I even told Mike that I couldn't sleep that night. Then, today, Mike and I are in the kitchen and we heard sirens. Where we are in Culpeper, we're pretty near the fire station, so when they get a call we can hear them pulling out. But these were close. Mike had just mentioned that they sounded like they were getting closer when we looked out the back door and saw smoke pouring from a house on the street behind us, the fire engines lining up in front. While I stayed at the house with Jake, Mike went down to the other street for a closer look. Thankfully, he said it looked like no one had been terribly hurt and that they thought it was a grease fire that started it. But all I could think of was the other night when I couldn't sleep and the images going through my mind.

Workin' Too Hard Can Give You a Heart Attack-ack-ack-ack-ack

Well, I finally did it. After much hemming, hawing, mind changing, talking with my family and friends, and a few tears...I QUIT MY JOB!!!! Yep, it's true. After 10 years and 10 months of working at the only job I've ever had, I up and quit.
And it's a huge relief. As much as I loved that job and the people there and the clients (some of them, anyway) and of course the pets, the stress level there was through the roof. I know that veterinary medicine statistically has the highest rate of suicides and stress-related meltdowns (I don't know if there's any other kind), but it wasn't that. I finally had it. I worked my butt off for those said 10 years and 10 months of my life and it was never good enough. If I did one thing, it was wrong. If I did it the opposite way, it was still wrong. If I did what I was told, it was wrong. If I did my own thing, it was wrong. And there was so much more that contributed to the issue. It wasn't entirely what I did (or didn't do, as the case seemed to be at times). I was informed at a few points in not so many words that being there was more important than my safety or even my family.
I had high blood pressure when I was pregnant that could have been partially caused by this (as a result I had to be induced early). There were times I would get so frustrated it nearly brought me to tears, and sometimes it did. I finally had enough.
I had hoped to have another job before it came to this, but we'll figure it out somehow.

This Ain't a Fairy Tale

I heard some sad, sad news the other day. A coworker and I were talking and she told me that she heard they were banning any sort of fairy tales in schools. FAIRY TALES! Now, I knew about the banning of certain books; in fact, Barnes & Noble stores were having a sale on these books. But now the banning of talk of fairy tales, all because they depict worlds with no God and show witchcraft. And people wonder what's wrong with the world today!
I'm serious about that last comment. I believe that's part of what is wrong with the world today. Without "fairy tales" (and this is of any kind, from Cinderella to Tom Sawyer to Harry Potter), we are taking away imaginations and the ability for people to think for themselves. We're taking away an alternate world for people to get away to if the day isn't going as planned. I know that certain fictions aren't being banned from the public, but by not allowing children to read them is teaching them at a young age that what you see is what you get. It doesn't allow them to think outside the box. This is a problem, even moreso than allowing the younger generations to watch too much TV or play video games. Fairy tales and fictions (if they are written well) teach right and wrong, cause and effect, just about any lesson you wish to teach.
People are "going crazy" these days because they have this reality and none other. They can't take their aggressions out in a sword fight or a duel of magic. They can't fall in love with a prince or a damsel in distress, or even have hope. That's what a lot of fictions have...hope. Goals in life. Even if it's to find the treasure or get the ring into the mountain. They keep going because they don't give up hope. If there's a challenge or an obstacle, they find an alternate route (going back to the thinking-outside-of-the-box thing).
As I said before, it's a sad, sad world out there. And it only seems to be getting more depressing.

Out With the Old

Well, here we are again. The beginning of a new year. What awaits us around each corner? Who knows. Here's a recap of my last year:

-My dogs contracted sarcoptic mange, resulting in Sprite losing a lot of her hair and losing a lot of weight, making us uncertain if we could do anything to fully help her...In the end, she has her hair all back and she has finally gained weight back and she's back to her adorable self!
-I gave birth to a 6 pound, 4.3 ounce little boy, Jacob Thomas Kestner, who has been the light of our lives!
-Also in the baby boom...my best friend had her baby girl Isla, another friend had her girl Paetyn, and three other friends found they were pregnant! Congrats to all the new mamas!
-The family cat, Birthday (aka Kitty), of about 19 years passed away (we assume).
-My cat, Jasper, that I've had since college, had to go live with my parents as an outside cat. I wanted to keep him, but first he scared us two nights after we brought the baby home by jumping in the playpen with him in the middle of the night. He was over twice the baby's size, so we were worried he'd lay on Jake and smother him. Even though we then kept the door closed, he kept testing his limits with the baby in my presence. So, mom and dad were great enough to allow him to stay at their place and we set him free.
-Because of the first thing listed here, Jake and I contracted scabies, which is not fun. A good slathering of permethrin cream and we're all cleared up!
-My niece, Britt, took her first steps and won't be taking her last for a very long time!
-Sadly, two amazing people in my life passed away...Grandma and Grandpa Moore.
-My oldest brother, his wife, and their daughter welcomed another addition to their family...Kaila Reese Miller (Kai for short).
-Mike and I hosted Thanksgiving at our house...and did AMAZING, if I say so myself.

Looking toward the future, here are some plans and hopefuls:

-We'll have the burial of my grandfather at Arlington National Cemetary.
-I will hopefully find a new part-time job, or better yet, we'll find some way by some miracle for me to be a stay-at-home mom (*fingers crossed*)
-Jake will turn a year old (don't know how I feel about that...)
-THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!! (no, not really)

Here's hopin'!